How Does a Christian Wife Deal with Her Husband’s Porn Addiction?

Porn addiction has become a major problem in today’s culture. With multiple digital devices online, it’s easier to access more than ever. While it might seem harmless to some on the surface, it is a common trigger for those dealing with sexual addiction. Porn addiction can cause a variety of issues in a marriage including secrecy, mistrust, jealousy, isolation, rejection, and arguments to list a few. If your husband continues to watch pornography, you might consider it cheating. You might feel like you’re inadequate as a sexual partner or that he isn’t happy with the relationship. Also, you may feel betrayed as a wife. Many feelings stir.

From a Christian perspective, it can be difficult to accept your husband’s use, given its moral implications. Further, you may want your marriage to survive and thrive through this but are at a crossroads of what to do. You have to make sure you can survive, personally, as well. Let’s take a closer look at how to do that.

Pray, Seek the Lord

In all things, pray. Cry out to God with your frustrations, concerns, and hurts. Cast all your care upon Him for He truly does care for you. Let God know how you are feeling then wait patiently on Him. This may seem trite or obvious, but in the midst of overwhelming hurt, anger, fear, or anxiety, these things can be overlooked. Reflect on your own attitude. Is it in love? Are you taking on the mind of Christ? As necessary, admit to God your struggles so you are better able to see and pray for your marriage.

Although you might not be able to “force” your husband to change his porn addiction, you can pray for him. Pray that God changes his heart and helps him to see how it is impacting you, your marriage, and him. Pray that your husband’s eyes are opened, and he can see how his addiction affects his walk with Christ.

Recognize What’s Being Provoked inside You

An inside look helps you to gain internal control of your emotions. It is rather easy and human nature to blame. Blaming your husband for his porn addiction is pretty clear. Further, you may feel jealousy, mistrust, fear of him leaving you, anger, and low self-esteem. Am I worthy as a wife? How can I compete with those porn stars?

Something else to consider is have you witnessed this behavior from others in your life? How did it affect you? If you saw or knew of a parent, family member, friend, ex, or even yourself cheating on the other, it may bring up those old feelings to your current situation.

Examine Your Own Behavior

This is a tough one. You may be saying to yourself, “Why should I change? After all, he’s the one with this bad habit, I can’t trust him, he’s cheating on me”. All these things certainly may be true. However, how you respond to him can make a big difference. It may be part of pushing him away or into ongoing arguments or it may invite him into healthy dialogue for change. You both have choices. God made us with the ability to choose. Further, you may reflect on what your longings are in the relationship as well as ask him what he longs for in your relationship. Be an encouragement to do the right thing.

Don’t Cope With It Alone

Remember that you don’t have to deal with this on your own. Consider reaching out to a trusted friend or a spiritual mentor for support. A friend may be biased and subjective who may be harsh with your husband’s behavior. Be cautious yet optimistic. The mentor, on the other hand, will hopefully be more objective and sensitive to God’s leading.

Further, consider going to a Christian counselor to discuss your thoughts and feelings in a confidential place. Counselors here are objective, compassionate, and better equipped to help you sort out your thoughts and feelings.

With that in mind, however, don’t brush things under the rug. The longer you keep the problem to yourself, the more isolated you’ll feel. Sorting out your feelings with a trusted person can make a big difference and can help to provide greater mental clarity so you can decide what to do next.

Talk with Your Husband

Communication is essential in any marriage. That doesn’t go away just because one person is dealing with an addiction. So, while it might be uncomfortable and hurtful to talk about, addressing your husband’s porn use with him is another step.

Be open, be honest, and be assuring of your love for him. Don’t be afraid to ask what prompted him to start, what keeps him going back to it, and what you can do to help. He might argue with you and try to defend himself. He might try to make excuses for his actions. Or, he might feel incredibly guilty and break down, knowing he needs help. Whatever the case, do what you can to keep the conversation on track.

Remember, porn addiction is just like any other addiction. If your husband was clinging to drugs or alcohol, you would encourage him to get the help he needs. Make sure you’re offering the same kind of support and guidance here so that he can get to the bottom of his addiction and you can start to repair the trust and intimacy in your marriage.

Even the strongest Christian marriages can falter sometimes. We live in a fallen world, and it’s easy to give in to temptation. If you’re struggling with feelings of pain and betrayal, or you’re still trying to figure out how to survive this hurtful addiction, feel free to contact us here at Pathways Counseling Services. You don’t have to figure it out on your own, and by talking to a professional, you can prioritize your mental well-being while figuring out the next steps.

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