Feeling stressed out in your relationship all by yourself?

couple-seperated.phpDo you ever find yourself the only one in the relationship who senses something is wrong or a bit out of sorts? Or are you the only one who sees the proverbial “elephant in the room”?

Are you wondering if you can go it alone to improve the relationship? Feeling angry that your partner seems like he/she has little or no interest in improving your relationship?

Do you find yourself losing hope when your partner refuses to go get help together? Or has your partner even refused to even talk about what’s bothering you about your relationship?

Do you ever wonder if you may be part of the problem? Or wonder if you can even talk about the relationship problems without your spouse or partner?

You may find yourself saying, “It’s hard being the only one motivated to get help!”

Many couples end up “between a rock and a hard place” where one or both feel stuck and struggle to make sense of their relationship and try and find hope in getting things to change. However, more often than not, this attempt to get things to change falls onto one of the spouses or partners who is much more motivated to find answers to their relationship problems than the other who may not be ready for whatever reasons. The motivated spouse or partner sometimes battles within themselves to see how they can ever get help to improve the relationship without the support of their partner.

Help IS Around the Corner

Pathways Counseling Services has wonderful counselors trained in relationship counseling to address your situation in a private, compassionate and supportive way. We have helped many individuals improve the quality of their relationship by listening first of all to their pain, struggles, frustrations, and longings in order to help guide them through the difficulties. Further, we help our clients see how their actions and attitude have affected them and their relationship and helped them learn how to engage positively to promote getting their relationship needs met.

Hope begins

Yes, you can improve your relationship on your own! With the assistance of a caring, experienced Pathways counselor you can:

  • Be understood and listened to for you as a human being
  • Get clarity in your thoughts, feelings, action, and attitude about your role and approach to the current problems or troubled connection in the relationship
  • Learn and practice effective communication skills in order to voice your concerns
  • Take meaningful steps to improve intimacy with your spouse / partner

Some Q & A

Will it help to work on my relationship alone?

This is a question that is often asked when only one is seeking counseling. Many spouses or partners can lose motivation when the other refuses to actively work on their relationship. The motivated one may have questioned if it would help to go to counseling alone. However, what many have found in this situation is that when they actively work on how they are affecting their relationship, their attitude significantly improves which then may directly or indirectly improve the quality of the relationship. One spouse or partner’s effort can go a long way! Although it is generally the practice in counseling to have both present to address couples’ concerns, by assisting the one who is present for counseling often times will empower her/him through her/his own thoughts, feelings, actions and attitude in order to find comfort, courage and strength to take back into the relationship as well as to make significant strides for his or herself.

If I come to counseling alone will my partner eventually join me?

This comes up a lot for those who decide to work on their relationship without their spouse or partner. While it may be a hopeful to assume your partner will join you for couples counseling after you have started the process of counseling, what many have found is that when they make the commitment to actively work on their relationship, their spouse or partner will begin to notice positive changes in actions and attitude and discover an interest in participating in the process. Your desire and commitment to your relationship issues often “rubs off” onto the other!

What if my partner’s problems are the reasons for our relationship difficulties?

Sometimes it may appear as if one spouse or partner is the only one “responsible” for the conflicts and troubles. However, this is very rarely the case! What most have found is that both spouses/partners contribute to their relationship problems. As hard as it is to recognize now, this even occurs when there has been infidelity in the relationship (especially by the non-committed spouse or partner). Progress can in fact be made even when the unfaithful partner does not participate in counseling.

What happens if I work on myself and make changes, but my spouse does not join in?

This concern is common which may prevent someone from working on their relationship alone. What many clients discover is that as she/he changes, the other one does too in one form or another. Often times there is a delicate balance in the relationship so that when one spouse or partner changes how they communicate and approach the other, the other one (even if not in therapy) will take notice and begin to change how they respond.

If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to contact us here at Pathways either by phone (520-292-9750) or email (joel@pathwaystucson.com).