Have you ever wondered why you get anxious when you see your teen anxious? Sure, when your child is anxious, it can be difficult to remain calm yourself. You may find yourself worrying about whether she/he is okay, wondering what is causing the anxiety, or imagining what might happen if the anxiety gets worse.

If you’ve ever thought, “Why am I anxious when my teen is anxious?” you’re not alone. Parents naturally care deeply about their children’s well-being. Seeing her/him struggle can trigger your own fear, worry, and sense of helplessness. Further, their anxiety may remind you of when you were their age and what you had experienced.

Understanding what you are experiencing can help you improve your interactions with your child (or teen) in how to help them better cope with their life stressors. Further, it will help you in taking care of your own emotional well-being. Let’s take a look at what you may be experiencing and then what you can do in response.

Your Teen’s Anxiety May Trigger Your Protective Instincts

Parents by nature generally want to protect their children. You are no exception. When your teen is frightened, overwhelmed, avoiding school, experiencing panic, or struggling socially, you may want to figure out what to do. Also, when she/he is having difficulty with friendships, your brain may interpret the situation as something that needs immediate attention.

You may begin thinking:

  • “What if something is seriously wrong?”
  • “Can my teen really handle this?”
  • “What if the anxiety gets worse?”
  • “Will I know how to help him?”
  • “Should I let her stay home?”
  • “Am I doing something wrong as a parent?”
  • “What will happen to my child in the future?”

These thoughts can create anxiety in you as a parent even when the original anxiety began with your teen.

Parents May Feel Helpless When They Can’t “Fix” the Problem

One of the hardest parts of watching your son or daughter experience anxiety is realizing that you can’t simply make the feeling disappear.

You may want to tell your teen:

“Don’t worry. Everything is going to be okay.”

You may offer reassurance, change plans, call the school, remove stressful situations, or try to solve whatever appears to be causing the anxiety.

These responses often come from love but may also come from fear or even guilt.

However, continually trying to eliminate uncomfortable situations for your teen can sometimes make it harder for both of you to learn that anxiety can be managed.

The goal isn’t to ignore your teen’s anxiety or force them into situations they’re not ready to handle. Instead, you can learn how to provide support while helping him/her to learn and improve healthy coping skills.

Your Teen’s Anxiety Doesn’t Mean You’re a Bad Parent

It’s easy for parents to blame themselves especially when you are trying to do the right thing for them. Teens still have the ability to make their own choices.

You might wonder:

“Did I cause this?”

“Am I making it worse?”

“What am I missing?”

“Why won’t she talk to me?”

There isn’t always a simple answer to his/her anxiety. Temperament, experiences, family circumstances, relationships, school, stress, genetics, and many other factors can play a role.

Instead of focusing on blame, focus on solutions. The solutions may be simple to complex yet your awareness is key. Consider asking if she doesn’t want to talk to you would she be open to talking with a counselor.

Your Anxiety Can Affect How You Respond to Your Teen

When you’re anxious, you may become more likely to:

  • Constantly check whether your teen is okay
  • You may even shut down yourself
  • Become angry or frustrated when she/he stays anxious
  • Search the internet repeatedly for answers
  • Argue and say things you may regret later
  • Have difficulty separating his/her fear from your own fear

None of these reactions mean you’re a bad parent. They may simply be signs that your child’s anxiety has become a source of significant stress for you. There’s hope.

What Can You Do As A Parent?

  • Pause before reacting

When your teen becomes anxious, take a moment to notice your own reaction. Then put yourself in her teenage shoes for a moment. Breathe.

  • Listen to his behavior, her words, their tone

Your teen may need someone to hear them before they need a solution. The behavior may be an indicator of things that may be troubling them.

  • Avoid dismissing her/his feelings

Statements such as “There’s nothing to worry about” may be intended to reassure your child, but they can sometimes make them feel misunderstood.

  • Take care of your own anxiety

Your teenager isn’t the only person who may need support. It may be time for you to find an objective listening ear for yourself.

Make time for sleep, exercise, supportive relationships, relaxation, and activities that help you recharge. If you’re constantly overwhelmed by worry about your child, talking with a counselor yourself may also be helpful.

  • Remember you may not need to solve ‘everything” now

Anxiety rarely disappears because of one conversation.

Helping your teen develop confidence and coping skills can take time. Your role isn’t to guarantee that he/she will never feel anxious. Your role is to help them learn that difficult feelings can be managed.

When Should a Parent Consider Counseling?

Consider talking with a qualified mental health professional (counselor) if your teen’s anxiety is significantly affecting:

  • Her/his mood and or behavior
  • School attendance
  • Academic performance
  • Sleep
  • Friendships
  • Family relationships
  • Daily activities
  • Eating or other routines

You as a parent may also benefit from counseling when your own worry has become overwhelming or is affecting your sleep, relationships, work, or ability to respond calmly to your teenager.

Counseling doesn’t necessarily mean something is seriously wrong. It can provide parents and teens with additional tools for understanding anxiety and responding to it in healthier ways.

Counseling for Anxious Teens, and Parents in Tucson

If you’re a parent in the Tucson area and your child’s anxiety has become a source of concern for you, you don’t have to figure everything out on your own.

A counselor can help your teen understand and manage anxiety while also helping you as a parent understand how to respond supportively. Depending on your family’s needs, counseling may address anxiety, depression, school stress, family relationships, trauma, life transitions, and other concerns.

Most importantly, asking for help doesn’t mean you’ve failed as a parent. It means you’re taking your child’s well-being—and your family’s well-being—seriously.

Turn your worry and your teen’s anxiety into hope

Learn more about teen counseling or  parenting therapy. We here at Pathways Counseling Services are here to help. Feel free to fill out the Contact Form below for more information or to get started today.