Your teen is getting back to a new school year already. It usually brings positive anticipation though not at first. Change 
from summer schedules, vacation mode, up late, and no clear routine into the school’s routine schedule. Ugh. However, there’s meeting old friends, perhaps some same teachers, prep for sports or extracurricular activities, and showing off new clothes. It can also create significant anxiety for pre-teens and teenagers. New teachers, new school, changing schedules, academic expectations, social pressures, changes with extracurricular activities, and uncertainty about the year ahead can stress your student out.
Managing back-to-school anxiety for some teens may get easier with time as they settle into their routine. For others, anxiety can become overwhelming which may eventually affect sleep, school attendance, friendships, family relationships, or academic performance. This is especially true, if they have other out-of-school stressors as well.
If your teenager is struggling with anxiety as the school year gets going, they are not alone. Many teens with their parents feel the stress of returning to a new school year. There are ways you can support them as well as thinking about counseling help when things get too frustrating.
Let’s first look at some causes, signs your teen is experiencing anxiety, ways you can help and then when you really need to consider seeing a counselor, we are here for you.
What Can Cause Back-to-School Anxiety?
Every teenager is different in the way they respond to others and situations, and anxiety can have many causes. Here’s some common ones.
- Worry about getting good grades
- Fear of failing or disappointing parents or teachers
- Nervous about making friends or fitting in
- Social anxiety (stressed with too many peers or teachers…especially new ones)
- Concerns about being bullied or interactions with friends or new relationships
- Adjusting to a new school
- Returning to school after a difficult previous year
- Pressure from sports or extracurricular activities
- Uncertainty about schedules and expectations
- Separation from parents
- Concerns about just finishing school, their future, college, or career choices
- Difficulty managing multiple responsibilities
- Peer pressure
- Feeling isolated from or unaccepted from others
Sometimes your teen may not be able to explain exactly why they feel anxious. They may simply say, “I don’t want to go to school,” or “I don’t know what’s wrong,” or “leave me alone!”
Taking those statements seriously can be an important first step.
Signs Your Teen May Be Experiencing Anxiety
Anxiety doesn’t always look like nervousness. Teenagers may express anxiety through changes in behavior, mood, or physical symptoms.
You may notice a few of the following:
- Trouble falling or staying asleep
- Frequent headaches or stomachaches
- Irritability or anger
- Crying more frequently
- Avoiding school or social activities
- Difficulty concentrating
- Excessive worrying
- Reassurance-seeking
- Changes in eating habits
- Isolating more and more
- Excessive doomscrolling, watching shorts videos, or other internet usage
- Experiencing panic or intense fear
- Declining in their grades or other school activities
One sign by itself doesn’t necessarily mean a teenager has an anxiety disorder. However, persistent or worsening changes deserve attention.
Ways You as a Parent Can Help
The headings and lists below are not exhaustive. They are here to give you some great ideas and may confirm what you may be already doing. Further, they may also help you as a parent to be mindful of your own anxiety and responses towards your teen.
Start the Conversation without Your Teen Feeling Weird
Sometimes the way parents approach the conversation can make it easier—or harder—for a teenager to open up.
Instead of immediately asking, “What’s wrong?” try creating opportunities for conversation without demanding an immediate answer.
You might say:
“Hey, you mind if I hang out with you…ride our bikes, read, play a video game together?” or “I’m here for you…you’re a great kid…I’m glad you’re my kid”, or “I’m here for you no matter what”.
“I’ve noticed you’ve seemed more stressed about school lately. I’m here if you want to talk about it” or “I’m sensing you’re bummed about something…here to listen” or “what matters to you matters to me…”
Give your teen time to respond. Listening without correcting, judging, or trying to solve the problem can help them feel safe enough to share more.
Here’s a more fluid, linear approach
- “Be chill” when you ask an open-ended question about their day
- Pay attention with love and focus while listening to content
- Reflect back the content of your teen
- No judgment, no solutions, and go at their pace
- Clarify with a question as to what he/she said in order to acknowledge content
- Summarize what he/she said
- Interpret the content and the feel of her/his mood
- Invite possible solutions and discuss
These steps may be in time as they may be overwhelming to her/him. Be calm and patient yourself in the process.
Help Create a Predictable Routine
Returning to school often means adjusting from a relaxed summer schedule to a much more structured day.
It can also help to review their new classes, schedule, their transportation, and discuss activities coming up in the near future.
Break large concerns into smaller more manageable steps may help.
Instead of thinking about the entire school year, help your teen focus on the here-and-now…such as today or just this week
Teach Healthy Ways to Manage Stress
Depending on your teen, helpful strategies may include:
- Regular physical activity
- Consistent sleep
- Taking longer breaks from social media
- Deep breathing or relaxation exercises
- Spending time with supportive friends or family
- Writing down worries then write out healthy options to worry
- Breaking large assignments into smaller tasks
- Maintaining regular healthy meals
- Making time for enjoyable activities
NOTE: The goal isn’t necessarily to eliminate every uncomfortable feeling. Learning that anxiety can be managed can help teenagers develop confidence in their ability to handle difficult situations.
When Should Parents Consider Counseling?
Back-to-school stress doesn’t automatically mean a teenager needs therapy. However, counseling may be helpful when anxiety is persistent, interfering with daily life, or becoming difficult for the your teen to manage.
Consider seeking professional support if your teen’s anxiety is:
- Interfering with school attendance
- Affecting grades or concentration
- Disrupting sleep
- Causing frequent physical complaints
- Interfering (including avoidance) with friendships
- Leading to significant isolation
- Causing frequent panic or intense fear
- Creating ongoing conflict at home
- Preventing your teen from participating in normal activities
- Angry outbursts or threatening gestures
- Significant change in attitude or mood
A counselor can help a teenager identify what’s contributing to their anxiety and develop age-appropriate strategies for coping with stress, relationships, school pressures, and other concerns.
We are here for you and your teen to sort out the anxiety that is being experienced. Let’s find workable solutions to help get through this school year with more peace and confidence.
