Ever get triggered and just need to vent about it? Sure, venting can be very helpful, but when? To who? Where do we go? How
do we vent it out? If you’re upset with someone, yelling at them or ghosting them may not be the best way to keep your friend. Trying to find the “right” time or place can be tricky. Then there’s the emotions after the whole triggering and venting thing.
We can get burdened by a bunch of emotions and hanging out with others can be awkward. You may feel like other people just don’t get you. You want to be seen but not put in the spotlight. Being understood is like “I get you”. This article is here to help you sort it all out and find inner relief and comfort. Let’s look at triggers, venting, emoting, and being safe.
What’s a Trigger?
Triggers are those things that people say or do that prompt an internal (with possibly external) reaction. Further, triggers may 
also come from what’s going on around us or even our own thoughts. Triggers may not necessarily be negative. For example, someone says something you take as funny and you laugh. In contrast, someone says something but you may sense fear, shame, or guilt stirring up self-control or defensiveness, irritability or concern. This stirring inside you may bring you discomfort or disbelief. “Why’d they say that?” These emotions are usually strong that seem to come up “out of nowhere”.
Where Do Triggers Come From?
Much of this comes from what you believe, what you learned in your relationships and experiences as a child up to present day. From this, you then act. They may come when your senses pick up a strong perceived or real threat to your safety or well-being. For example, this may happen when you’re feeling lonely, scared, or thinking about scary stuff. Triggers can be internal as well as external. You may ask, “So, what’s going on with me and why do I get so jumpy?” There’s a few reasons…but you can get control of them.
So, What Gets You Triggered
There are so many triggers, for so many people that we could spend all day listing them. Here’s a few.
- Friend or family member “snapping” at you
- Feeling disappointed or being disappointed by others
- Dirty looks
- When your bestie is sad or mad at you
- Eye rolling
- Heavy sighing
- Rude people
- Fear of missing out
- Someone blaming you for something you didn’t do
- Being bullied or intimidated
- Getting ghosted by a friend
- Sudden, loud noises
- Being lied to straight to your face
- People talking behind your back; yeah, gossiping
- Getting manipulated into doing something you don’t want to do
- People yelling at you for something stupid
- Loneliness
- Missing mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, or other special people (whether they are with us or not)
Okay, that’s enough…you get the idea. There’s a whole bunch but they usually sit in two broad categories…situational or relational. Now that we’ve reviewed triggers, let’s get to venting.
Venting / Letting Off Some Steam
If you remain in a fight, flight, freeze or fawn state (see previous blog post for more info), you may find a much greater sensitivity to a mass amount of situations and/or people. This response may result in more reactivity in fight, flight, freeze, or fawning resulting in anxiety, depression, or both. This gets to be very exhausting. This is where venting comes into help.
Venting is a way to release built up thoughts or feelings that resulted from being triggered. There are various ways of venting. They can be healthy or unhealthy, productive or counterproductive. For example, a friend says or does something that hurt your feelings. You may journal your feelings in your private journal or post something rude about your friend on social media. You may go to a trusted friend about how to approach your other friend or complain about her to others. You also may go for a walk or get go punch your friend. Get control of you when you vent so don’t harm yourself or others.
Venting can help you sort out your feelings as well.
Some healthy ways to vent
- STOP (S=Stop, T=Think, O=time Out, P=Plan)
- Go for a walk, exercise, ride your bike
- Journal
- Listen to calming music (or music that helps you calm down)
- Distract yourself for a moment
- Scream in your pillow
- Pray
- Sing, dance or draw
The State of Emo
For this blog post, we will define emo as emoting emotion. More simply, the mood you are in. Your mood may be a part of a whole bunch of feelings and thoughts flowing through your mind, felt in your body (such as your muscles or gut), and expressed in your words or actions. There may be a bunch of stuff running through your head. Some of it makes sense; others don’t really. Your mind, body, emotions are connected and you may sense your body like some shaking, tightening up, going numb, or a few other things all while you may be thinking or feeling about stuff. You may be trying to figure out what’s happening.
Being Safe
This is where you go to find safety inside yourself, in your environment and/or with others.
Internal
This is when you begin to stop battling your own feelings, worries or depression. There may be a part of you that wants to stay sad or angry, while another part just wants some peace and quiet. Taking a few deep breaths, focus on pleasant thoughts, or visualizing a safe place can help with feeling safe. Beyond that, finding that peace may take a little time and some help from other supportive people or a therapist can help.
External
This is about your physical environment…the things that are around you. Are you out of “harm’s way” or are you still unsure about what’s happening around you? Find a place that is calm, safe.
With Others
Many times when you feel welcome, accepted or received by others, you can begin to sense you are safe. This may take some time with strangers. Feeling safe may take longer with certain family members who aren’t predictable or have a history of triggering you.
Sorting It Out
Don’t stay nervy, stressed, mad or sad. It’s time to get out of this weird cycle of triggered, venting, emo…repeat. It’s really exhausting. Finding professional help, a counselor (therapist) to sort this whole cycle out can get you to feel and be whole, clear, and at peace with yourself then with others.
Some things take time, but you are worth it…those you love are worth having you feeling and being yourself.
We are here for you. Let us know how we may help.
