It doesn’t take an economic guru to know that we are living in uncertain times. Just the other day I heard a financial advisor reflect on the uncertainty of the markets. She said that they (advisors) can adjust to the ups and regroup on the downs but when things are uncertain, they get frazzled and at times unnerved. This economic tension can also be in our marriage, couple relationships.

One of the major causes for divorce or break-up has to do with money. Money discussions in relationships can be pretty straight forward for some while for many it is a cause of tension, frustration, and arguments. It’s in the health of the relationship as to how a couple handles and copes with difficult situations and life events.

Here we will acknowledge the difficulty, the tension, then identify possible causes in our relationships that trigger economic tension. Secondly, we’ll look at reactions that you find yourselves doing so you can redirect your energy towards solutions. Then, we’ll explore 8 ways to help you navigate through the tension.

Possible causes of economic tension in marriage

Inflation, cost of living increases

Over the years, we have seen the cost of living go up and up. Take for instance groceries. Recall for a moment what you typically paid for a cart of groceries last year; then recall for 2-3 years ago. Now recall pre-COVID (6 years ago), ten years ago and even 20 years ago. It seems that it takes more dollars to buy the same things we bought just a few years ago.

Unexpected bills

Most people go along with a basic “budget” whether written or in their heads. Then, the car breaks down, an accident occurs, a child needs dental work, or you want to go on a trip. Life happens. Also, there are more “gadgets” out there that are supposed to make our lives easier. They have a price tag.

Job loss

This may also be an unexpected event. There’s a “down size”, your position is no longer needed, there’s a company merger, and the list goes on but not the job. This may add to your personal economic uncertainty. Add to it the longer time it takes to land another job.

Differing expectations or perspectives about money

Though this may not be due to what is happening in the world, this is happening in yours. Each of us have been raised with differing views about money, saving, spending, what to buy, what to avoid, and so on. These expectations have certain foundational values and believes that govern how we go about our lives.

Spendthrift living

This cause for economic tension is based on behavior driven primarily by feelings. There are two general spendthrifts. One who spends with little restraint for fun, pleasure, to please others, or fear of missing out (FOMO). The other spends for fear of not having enough of something/s or the need for comfort from spending on self or to gain love or approval from others.

Recognize typical reactions to uncertainty

Anxiety               

Anxiety is a common response out of fear of the unknown. You may find yourself having fear of failing in life, fear of the future, or fear of not having enough for your family. With this comes worry about the future, being safe, making ends meet, and other worries of one or both of you. Some people will add to this anxiety by “doom scrolling” through the news, videos, and other social media.

Irritability

Sometimes when someone is at a loss or not sure what to do, then he/she may become irritable. You may find yourself “snapping” at your spouse for no particular reason. “Little things” become annoying to either of you.

Isolation

When difficult times occur, you may find yourselves isolating from each other. Perhaps avoiding an argument or not sure what to talk about. Resisting or “pushing” the other away as being defensive. Also, isolation occurs when you are too overwhelmed about your situation to face it with or without your partner.

Arguments

Being overwhelmed, sorting out what you can do to figure out the uncertainty may lead to arguments. Arguments may be helpful in grappling with change. However, when blame, stone-walling, criticism, or threats enter into the argument, then you need to take a time out.

Changes in health

Illness, muscle tension, headaches, poor or erratic sleep, increase or decrease of appetite may be considered changes in health. These may be signs to reactions to distress in your relationship.

Eight Ways to Navigate Through Economic Tension

 Open and honest communication

Have routine money talks reviewing your expenses, income and ways you may need to cut back or prioritize your budget. Be honest and talk about how your feeling. Further, discuss what you are willing to do to improve outcomes.

Reevaluate your comings and goings and goals

Adding to open communication, sit down and review the past several months of spending, saving, and income as it relates to your goals. If there were extra spending, then consider behavioral change. Examine how your goals may need to adjust or shift in the present time. Consider it as a “road closed, detour ahead” sign. This is not what you expected or wanted but it is here.

As part of this re-evaluation, consider a return to simplicity.  Keep life simple with destressing and focusing on what matters most in your life. Does your relationship need to be overcomplicated?

Embrace the unknown

The unknown is a certainty in our lives. We realize we cannot know everything in life. So, by accepting it and welcoming it as a challenge to overcome

Reconsider your outlook

This may be hard to do. This is where we seek hope, understanding, wisdom and direction. Encourage each other with optimism, laughter, and healthy memorable moments.

Remind yourselves of what you have already overcome

Reflect back for a moment of times in the past where you have overcome uncertainty or a difficult situation. What did yid you do to get through it? What might have been something you may have done differently? Learn from these times.

Seek spiritual renewal

It is in uncertain and turbulent times when we may evaluate our relationship with God. Going to God in prayer, for spiritual renewal and direction will help you to get re-centered on what matters most. Keep and maintain your relationship now and beyond uncertainty through faith in God.

Strengthen your support system

You are not alone in this ever-changing world. Having a strong support system of like-minded friends and family. Here you can share ideas, discuss what you are doing to garner hope and resilience through the uncertainty.  They may have experiences of their own that may prove to be helpful for you.

Get professional help

When life is so overwhelming, you get stuck, and your stress continues in a negative cycle, it’s time for some outside assistance. A counselor can help you navigate through the difficult and stressful times. Working through the stress, mistrust, and communication issues are part of helping you improve your marriage, grow your relationship with each other and as a family.

For more information or to make an appointment, please call 520-292-9750

or email us at jo**@************on.com