Are you in an intense or tense relationship? Do you find your relationships not quite how you had imagined they would be? Do you feel distant from the one you care deeply about? Is it pretty hard to talk to him or her about your relationship concerns? Do your conversations turn into arguments? Do you sense you are just not being heard or understood by your spouse or partner? Do you find having some unfinished business with your spouse or partner? Are you having arguments, conflicts or even fights between yourselves? Is it hard to agree on many things and decisions that need to be made in the relationship? Do you wonder if things are ever going to change in how you relate to him/her?
If you find yourself answering “yes” to many of these questions then you have a lot in common with a bunch of couples. Many of the couples we work with have found themselves in quite a few of these conflictual and stressful situations. However, there is hope in getting through the rough spots in your relationship toward healing the emotional wounds as well as gaining new insights and ways of communicating effectively with each other. It is quite possible to gain more understanding and confidence in relating, resolving conflicts, parenting, problem-solving and looking to the future together.
It is our passion and desire to see our clients gain communication skills, resolve conflicts, work through their differences, and grow closer to each other. Many times we find that when both are willing to address the “we” in their relationship and each one individually identifies a particular goal each one is willing to work on, this starts the communication rolling toward more healthy interactions. Now, of course, there is no guarantee that the other spouse or partner is going to change, however, in our experiences we have witnessed when one turns toward the other in a non-threatening, inviting, respectful, and kind way, many times the other will begin to reciprocate. This is where counseling is a great value and investment in your relationship with one another.
Some things you may be considering
I have a reluctant spouse or partner, what do I do?
This is a very common occurrence as well as a common question. Many times it starts with a willingness to seek change in yourself first though the other one really needs help as well. As you consider what you are going through, look at how you are handling the relationship and ways it is affecting you. As you seek change for yourself, invite your spouse or partner to join you in change together. Recall times with him/her when life was much better and invite the two of you to seek improvement together. If he/she decides not to join you in counseling as a couple, then consider coming to counseling alone to address your own internal struggles, pain, attitude, and frustrations in order to identify ways to better cope and handle the difficult times.
How long does couples counseling last?
Well, this all depends on each individual couple. With both willing to address their needs, conflicts, and goals then counseling seems pretty straightforward with as few as 3-5 sessions and as many as 16-20 sessions. If there are complications, then more sessions may be needed to address your needs and goals. We look to adjust to the needs and goals of our couples based on what you are both willing to face in the counseling sessions. Each couple is different with many backgrounds, experiences, challenges, struggles, and victories taking a willingness, courage, perseverance, and hope for a better and healthier relationship. This is for you as a couple: the “we”, the “us” for a lasting, loving, beautiful, hopeful, and honorable relationship.
How much is therapy going to cost us?
This is a common question we get which goes along with how long will therapy last. Each couple is different and your needs and goals are uniquely yours. Though the rates vary with each therapist (counselor), the general couple rates for a session are from $80-$120. Though this rate seems high for some and reasonable for others, the question goes beyond money. It also includes time, motivation, cohesiveness, and working things out together while in therapy as well as after each session (following through with the discussed homework given by the therapist). It may take less time when both of you are working things out together however it will take longer when you are at odds with each other. What price can you put on your relationship? What value do you give it? How willing are you to apply yourself to the process of working things out?
We find great satisfaction in our work helping our couples work through their differences, channeling their energy in a positive way to overcome the struggles and pain. We do this by being objective, listening to each of you without judgment, and at times asking the hard questions in order to help each one reflect on individual and collective responsibilities for a better relationship, a better marriage. Counseling is a big part of seeking the help and healing you need for yourself, your spouse or partner, for your kids, for your family, and for your relationship happiness overall. You, your relationship is worth it…you guys are worth the effort, the cost, the benefits, the challenges to work things out.
Here with Pathways, we have a unique blend of counselors with various experiences and approaches to help create the best fit for you in counseling.
Here are some articles you may find helpful. Feel free to check them out.
Individuals in Relationships
Hope for Your Relationship
In Our Relationship: 5 Things We Can Do to Set Healthy Emotional Boundaries
Inside the Brewing Storm of Domestic Violence
Holiday Moodiness, Mayhem or Something Else: Do I Need Some Help?